Beyond the Law of Attraction: Self-Validation and How You Control What You Attract

I recently came across a quote that moved me. “People and things are attracted to you based on what you validate about yourself.” I am a believer in the law of attraction, the belief that we get what we focus on, so I was surprised that this was so moving to me. The difference for me was that it is not what we focus on, but what we accept and validate about ourselves that attracts things to us.

For anyone struggling with manifesting through the law of attraction, typically the next place that they find a solution is through the law of assumption. The law of assumption states that in order to manifest anything we must move into the frequency of that which we wish to attract. Thus, if you want to attract money, you must act as if you have money in order to meet its frequency.

All too often however, we meet people who practice these laws and never truly manifest the abundance, love, or accomplishments that they want. This is where the quote comes in.

We are all currently attracting to ourselves what we continuously validate within ourselves. For instance, I’m sure you have come across the disgruntled employee who constantly complains how they work so hard for so little money or recognition. They say that they want more but their validation is rooted in their struggle. They take pride in being the hardest working and least paid because they believe it makes them virtuous. The truth is, this is exactly what is preventing their success and abundance.

All too often in that same workplace there is another employee who believes that their presence is enough. They validate themselves with the peace and relationship building skills that they bring to the workplace. They believe that they are promoted for their savvy decision-making abilities and that they don’t have to go the extra mile to be compensated fairly. They are the ones who get the promotion and the bigger paycheck. They get compensated and appreciated because that is what they take pride and self-validation in.

The same can be said of any scenario, including the idea of luck. Those that are prideful and self-validating in the idea that luck doesn’t exist and that they have to work hard for everything that they are given will not be given anything easily. Those that validate themselves in the idea that they are lucky and magnets for opportunity, will reap luck and opportunities.

So if this is all true, the next logical question is, how do you choose or change what you validate yourself in? The truth is, to change what you take pride in about yourself, you must change your life story.

You must reframe your idea of how you acquire the things that you do and why. For example, if you have always felt as though you wanted love, but found yourself being used for money in every relationship, it was probably because you validated yourself with your money. It is because subconsciously, the thing that you took most pride in about yourself was your financial status.

Therefore to find real authentic love, you have to change your story. Who are you beyond your material processions and why should anyone want that? Reframe your idea of yourself based on your most virtuous attributes, and that is what people will be attracted to you for.

This all leads to the central idea that people and things want you for what you market yourself as. It becomes easier to market yourself as something, when you develop an expertise of it through taking action.

For example, if you want to attract money you have to develop the part of you that you want money to be attracted to. It could be your wise investing skills, or your ability to turn money into opportunities for others. Whatever it is, you have to develop the expertise through taking action and take pride in it.

Some actionable steps to start attracting what you want in your life is to first write down what you believe to be true about yourself. Answer some questions about yourself openly and honestly. How do you get things? Who is typically attracted to you and why? What do you believe about your work-ethic to be true?

If you believe that some of the things that you write down are not conducive to the person that you want to be and the things that you want to attract, write down what you instead want people and things to be attracted to you for. If these are not virtues that you currently possess, write down actions that you can take to develop these characteristics. Be specific and visualize what a person with these virtues does and looks like so that you can emulate it in your own life.

This, along with tapping into a higher frequency through the use of affirmations and visualization will make you better at attracting the things that you truly want to you with speed.

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